For the love of a Spork

Attack with deadly cutlery!

Attack with deadly cutlery!

Zachary Christie is a six-year-old who enjoys most things six-year-olds do: karate, camping and cub scouts. But, according to the Christina School District in Newark, Delaware, Zachary’s love of his scouting spork  got him into a whole mess of trouble.

Thanks to a zero tolerance policy concerning weapons in schools, because little Zach wanted to use his hybrid spoon- fork-knife combo in the school caf, he was rounded up like a felon and, according to the New York Times, the hardened 6-year-old “now faces 45 days in the district’s reform school.”

Sounds kind of silly, doesn’t it? Well sure it does, but so did the Rockefeller drug laws, and those were on the books in New York from 1973 to 2009. Unfortunately for little Zachy, like the draconian drug laws, the Christina School District’s code of conduct brooks no dissent. School officials had to suspend the first grader because, ““regardless of possessor’s intent,” knives are banned.”

What’s going to happen to the kid? Well, if the code stands, not even Perry Mason would be able to get the little knife wielding moppet out of this one because the law is the law, regardless of how stupid.

But no doubt this will be a positive experience for the FIRST GRADER. Zach will almost certainly get “scared straight” in reform school and probably won’t have any kind of psychological scarring or hatred of authority thereafter. I’m sure he’ll come back from his time in the hole a new and improved little tyke who’d never bother using something as blunt as a knife-fork-spoon combo again once he learns from others how sharp a machete can be!

2 Responses to “For the love of a Spork”

  1. Jack says:

    Why is your site so poorly designed? In what universe does black text (or worse yet, dark greay text) on a dark blue background make sense? I was going to pass this link along (it’s another example of why our public education system has passed its “sell by” date) but I fear few people would be able to figure out how to read it!

    You need to get rid of the dark background post haste!

  2. Robin says:

    Hi Jack,

    If I may, the first thing I’d do is to instruct you to take your hand, move it to the crack of your behind, then yank for dear life at the panties that have bunched on up in there. It must be very uncomfortable for you!

    Then I’d suggest you update your browser with all deliberate speed because on Firefox and the latest version of IE, the black text should appear on a white background.

    Yours in public education,
    p.s. Thanks for your feedback!