(If) I Did It: The Rod Blagojevich Story


Dear Mr. Blagojevich,

Congratulations! I’ve just learned from the New York Times that you, too, have a book coming out this month. And from what I understand, your book is not so different than ours!  Interestingly enough, SO SUE ME, JACKASS! also specifically deals with the boneheaded, ill advised and mentally screwy decisions people make that fly in the face of better judgment and/or the law.

In fact, from the sound of the first two sentences in the Times story, your book makes for a perfect anecdote for ours:  “Normally, people charged with crimes wait until their cases are resolved to write memoirs — saving themselves and their lawyers legal headaches. But Rod R. Blagojevich, the ousted governor of Illinois who is under indictment, has long wandered his own course… ”

Now having worked with my sister, Amy (a lawyer), this past year, I can pretty much guarantee that she would have advised you to keep your stupid blow hole shut before it got you into any more trouble. She probably would have even called you a “fucking moron” if you decided to go through with publication of this book against her better advice. (FYI: My sister has an incredibly dirty mouth. No matter how much soap she used, our mother could never get it clean! But I digress…)

Sir, I say this with all due respect, particularly since not much respect is due: seriously, dude, what were you thinking? You have already secured a place in the pantheon of dumb and disgraced public officials, cheek by jowl with the likes of Charles Forbes, Boss Tweed and Boss Hogg. What more could you possibly want?


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